Caucasian Female , 33, Not married in long term 4 year relationship with boyfriend who is 29. Wishes to have kids soon.
MHS 6470 – Counseling & Human Sexuality
SEXUAL HISTORY & ASSESSMENT
The purpose of the sexuality history and assessment is to get a clear understanding of the client’s early experience and its impact on her perception of sexuality, as well as issues related to gender, love, relationships and intimacy, and trust. Past experiences affect current behaviors and attitudes towards sex and sexuality.
- FAMILY OF ORIGIN
- Parent’s names, ages and occupations
Names of persons (father and mother withheld for privacy purposes).
- Personal description of parents:
- The earliest memory of my mother, who as a homemaker was when I was five years. My mother loved and cared for us and I could remember her hugging me regularly. However, she was later diagnosed with depression when she was 35 years, which affected her care for us since she became quite distant. Their father was unaffectionate and unemotional, though he provided for his family. He was tough even to my mom, which was the reason for her depression.
- How was affection displayed (between parents? toward children?)
- My parents rarely showed emotions towards each other, at least not in our presence. Only mom told use she loved and my father only provided for his family. I think mom was always stressed and felt unloved.
- Give example of a time you felt really loved, cared about by each parent.
- My mother always took us to the park and sometimes shopping, telling us she loved us. However, my father rarely showed affection even towards us. The only time I felt he loved me was when he gave me the first allowance that I could remember.
- Were you comfortable with this? more? less?
- When I was young I did not know the effect of the emotionless relationships, but I now know how much it affected my future relationships and my idea of affection.
- Aspirations for their children?
- My father was tough on us to succeed in education and get good grades. He always said education was the only way for us to make it in life. As for mom, I think she stressed on grades, but she only wanted us to be happy.
- Describe your relationship with each parent
- I loved my parents, but if was very hard to be close to dad. I loved mom and I know she loved us, although she became distant by the time she was diagnosed with clinical depression. Some days she tried to be close and loving, but other days she was lost in her world.
- What did each parent really understand about you? (i.e. mom & dad)
- I think mom understood me better than my dad. Sometimes, I felt as if my dad didn’t even know that I existed or he assumed it.
- What do you wish each parent better understood about you? (i.e. mom & dad)
- I wish my father knew that I needed to be loved and appreciated by him. I wish he told me that he loved me often. I knew mom loved me and even tried to make me feel loved and appreciated, but I wish depression did not affect her ability to be a loving parent. However, I wish she knew that I loved her regardless of her medical condition,
- What would you want more of from your mother? Father?…i.e. what was missing for you?
- I wish my dad was less tough and more loving and caring. I wish he hugged me more and told me that he loved me.
- I wish mom never got depression or received help in time to be there for us, to love and care for her children.
- How was discipline handled? money? decisions?
- My mom disciplined us more often than mom. Mom handled finances given by dad for our needs. However, dad was the primary source of authority and the main decision-maker.
- Toward which parent did you feel closest? (i.e. more likely to discuss personal problems?)
– My mom, obviously, even when she was distant I tried to be close to her.
- Names & ages of siblings
- Personal description of each
- Mary, 35 now (5 years older than me). She is married with one child.
- Tom, 33 (3 years older than me). He recently graduated from law school and lives with her girlfriend. Not yet married and does not have a child.
- Who most different from you? in what way?
- My sister is very different from me because she believes in love and was very excited about marriage.
- Describe relationship with your opposite sex siblings?
– I love both siblings and we became close growing up and dealing with our mom’s depression.
- Religious Training
- In what religion were your raised? Your religion’s Attitudes/messages re: sexuality?
- I was raised in a Christian family and regularly went to church. Taught about sexuality, but I believe in individual choice regarding sexuality.
- How religious were your parents? Describe
- I wouldn’t say they were too religious, especially my dad, but we went to church every now and then.
- What role did religion play in your early life? Your emerging sexuality?
– Not much
- Attitudes RE: Sexuality in the Home
- Were sexual topics discussed in your home? (Which? How? Explain how handled)
- Yes, but only my mother mentioned it now and then, especially warning us about the dangers of negative sexual relationships.
- How did your parents respond to questions?
- We asked mom some questions and she tried to be as truthful as possible.
- How was sex education handled (e.g. puberty)?
- I learned most of this topic at school.
- What was the general attitude re: sexuality in your family? (verbal and non-verbal messages?)
- Sex topic was not discussed at home so we got to know about it when we grew up. I felt like love was missing between mom and dad, leave alone thinking of them having sex.
- What was the attitude toward nudity (or modesty) in the home?
- My dad was tough and ensured that all the children were modestly dressed. As a result, I became conscious about my dressing and the parts of my body that was exposed. I don’t think I have ever seen any nudity at home.
- What kind of sexual comments were made around the house by your parents either about other people, each other or in terms of jokes? (how did you feel?)
– I can’t remember my parents joking or making sex-related comments.
- PEER/SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS
- What influence did your friends have on how you thought about sex as a child? (adolescent?)
– I remember hearing talks about sex from my friends who started engaging in sex quite early in their teenage. I would have thought it was normal but was confused because my mom kept warning me about it.
- How was sex discussed among your friends? What did peers deem as “normal” sexual behavior in teen years?
– My friends talked about sex as if it was the most normal part of growing up. I think I was the only one whose mom’s voice kept nagging me to wait and have sex later. I avoided it while in high school when almost everyone else was having sex. I was waiting for love, to say the least.
- Was sex or sexuality ever the subject of jokes or embarrassment? (explain)
-Yes, I remember my friends laughing at me because I did not have sex in high school. I also remember the first boy I had sex with and he informed by friends that I did not have any experience and that he did not enjoy. The embarrassment made me sleep around with more men to gain the experience.
- How did you view sex as a child? adolescent? (dirty, frightening, curious, interesting, fun, embarrassing?)
-something to be avoided completely because mom said so.
- Do you recall playing any games with sexual content as a child? (e.g. “doctor”) How did you feel about this?
– yes, we played mom dad games and were expected to have pretend sex, I was the mother and so embarrassed because mom made sex feel dirty and abhorred.
- Describe your social relationships as child (adolescent)? i.e., many friends, few close friends, loner? same or opposite sex friends? close, intimate friendships?
-I had a group of friends, both girls and boys, in the neighborhood that I played. I was also a social child in middle school, until my mom’s clinical depression diagnosis that really affected my social life.
- EMERGING SEXUALITY
- At what age do you recall first having pleasurable genital -feelings?
-At the age of 12 years, if I can recall well.
- Were these in connection to particular thoughts, activities, or situations?
- Yes, it was related to a movie we had watched when our parents were not home.
- How did you define these activities (good, bad feelings associated?)
- I knew it was bad and dirty.
- At what age did you first experiment with masturbation (or other solitary activity that produced genital feelings of pleasure)?
- 12 years old
- At what age did you first experiment with masturbation (or other solitary activity that produced genital feelings of pleasure)?
- How and where did you engage in this?
- I think it was at home
- How often?
- I can’t recall, I was so young
- How did you feel about doing this?
- I would feel temporary pleasure and very dirty later.
- Were you ever discovered at this? If so, how handled?
- I think I got away with it.
- Is orgasm achieved via masturbation?
- Do you recall any upsetting experiences that occurred during childhood with regard to sex?
– I remember a friend touching my private parts while playing.
- When and how did you first learn about conception and reproduction? How did you feel, react?
-I think although I learned details about reproduction and conception at school, I had heard it before when at home playing with older children.
- FOR FEMALES:
- At what age did you start to menstruate? feel?
-I think around 12 or 13 years, I can recall quite correctly.
- How and by whom had menstruation been explained to you in advance?
– My sister
- How was the subject discussed among your friends? What terms did you use?
They referred to it as “period.” It was something women were supposed to be proud of because it was the transition to adulthood.
- What were your feelings in anticipation of menstruation? upon first menstruation?
– I think I was excited at first, although the actual experience with blood and the yucky feeling was not so exciting.
- Do you recall it influencing your life-style in any way?
Yes, especially during those days when I felt so dirty and the bad moods.
- How did you feel about yourself and your body following onset of menses?
I felt like I had become older and wiser.
- Have you ever had any menstrual difficulties?
Yes, I usually felt quite painful crumps.
- Have you ever had sex during your period? How do you feel about this idea?
-Yes, and I felt very dirty.
- How did you feel regarding other body changes at puberty / adolescents? (breast development, your body, pubic hair, general physical attractiveness?)
– I was excited about all changes that signaled maturity, but I felt uncomfortable, especially with bigger boobs.
- Have you ever had sexual dreams where you felt aroused? ever had an orgasm during sleep? What topics most arousing in your fantasy life?
- Any lesbian experience at this time? How did/do you feel about this?
When did you first experience orgasm? under what conditions and how felt about it?
– Masturbation at the age of 13
- FOR MALES:
– How old were you when you had your first nocturnal emission (i. e. “wet dream”)
– How and by whom had you been told about this in advance?
– How did you react?
– How did you feel when you first heard about the fact that women menstruate?
– How did you feel about your body changes at puberty? (pubic hair, voice, experiencing erections?)
– How did you feel about muscular development, your body, physical attractiveness, etc.?) .0.
– Any homosexual experiences at this time? how did you feel about this?
- DATING BEHAVIOR
- Describe your dating patterns as adolescent?
-I never had a serious boyfriend during adolescence because of the warnings from mom and later dealing with mom’s clinical depression.
- At what age did you start to date?
-At around 15 years, but it was not serious.
- Did you date many different people, usually have a steady relationship with one person, etc.? How feel about this?
-Dated many boyfriends because I did not want anything serious that would mess my life like my mom warned.
- What kinds of petting did you engage in?
-I remember during play at the age of 10 years when I allowed a boy to touch my private parts.
- Where did petting behavior usually occur? under what circumstances?
-It usually occurred during play time, especially playing mom-dad games.
- What kind of emotional relationship did you have before you would become involved in petting?
– None because it was not really serious and we would forget immediately after the game. I am not sure we even knew the implications of what we were doing.
- Was there any touching or manipulation of the genitals involved?
– I can’t remember any.
- How did you respond sexually to these behaviors?
– I felt dirty because my mom always warned me against them.
- How did you feel about engaging in these behaviors?
– I had conflicted feelings, it seemed fun, but I would regret going against my mom’s warning.
- How did you think your parents would respond if they knew?
– Extremely angry about it.
- Any negative petting experiences?
– Not that I remember.
- Did you engaging in any oral sexual activity? How did you respond and feel?
– I tried oral sex at the age of 21, but I did not like the experience. I felt like puking.
- Any early traumatic experiences with sex?
– Yes, whenever I had any sexual experience I remembered my mom’s warning and the feelings of guilt would overwhelm me.
-later yes, one of my many boyfriends forced himself on me, which I did not enjoy and felt very violated as a woman.
- Any history of sexual abuse and/or assault?
– See above.
- COITAL EXPERIENCES
- When did you have your first coital experience?” describe first time, conditions, how felt about it?
-The first time was in high school with the boy who ashamed me for not having experience. It was during a party with my peers who pressured me to do it. I also did not enjoy the experience.
- Under what circumstance and how frequently did premarital intercourse usually occur?
– I am not yet married, but having regular sex with my boyfriend. Before then, I had sex with many boyfriends.
- How did you respond sexually? (orgasmic? problems with erection/lubrication, premature ejaculation?)
– I learned about real orgasm with my current boyfriend. With the others, I did it as an obligation
- What were the emotional conditions that you needed to have intercourse with someone?
– Before I met my current boyfriend, I did not need any emotional arousal for sex because I did it as an obligation.
- Could you have sex with someone without being emotionally involved with them?
-Before my boyfriend, yes. But he had taught me to love.
- What feelings usually accompanied intercourse at this time? (satisfaction, guilt, pleasure, anxiety, pride, embarrassment, etc.?)
– Pleasure and satisfaction
- Were you ever “walked in on” while having sex with someone? How did you feel? respond?
- Any history of STD, pain during sex?
– No STDs, only UTI.
- What form of contraception did you use? Whose responsibility was it?
– Condoms and later pills
- OTHER SEXUAL EXPERIENCES
- Did you read erotic material? go to pornographic movies? b. How frequently did you have sexual fantasies with masturbation, petting, or intercourse?
– I watched porn, but just a little
- How frequently did you masturbate during your adolescent years? young adult? now? (under what conditions?)
– Rarely because I could hear my mom’s voice warning me against sex
- Did you have any unpleasant experiences with undue physical intimacy by strangers or a family member, friend, date? (if, yes, explore this issue)
- (females) Do you recall any discussions about the possibility of rape, assault, etc.? Describe
- (males) What did you think of the women who would have intercourse with you? What about the women who refused?
- (females) How did you feel about males who were sexually experienced? Males who attempted to initiate sex or more extensive petting with you?
– I felt like they were violating my womanhood.
- COURTSHIP BEHAVIOR
- What does being in love mean to you?
– Feeling affection towards and appreciating the other person.
- Do you easily become emotionally involved with people? Fall in love easily?
– No, having been raised in an emotionless family, I don’t trust people easily. I have grown to guide my emotions from being hurt.
- Were you ever involved in another relationship before meeting your current spouse? (engaged, married, seriously involved)? If so, describe this relationship and its history.
– I have been with many boyfriends, but I think I love my current partner more.
– None of the relationships lasted for over a year.
- What sexual behaviors did you engage in with spouse before marriage?
-Not married, but in a long term 4 year relationship with boyfriend
- Describe the quality of these sexual experiences?
- how did you respond sexually?
- Some were better than others.
- How did you feel about these?
- I always felt like I was obligated to have sex, which made me feel violated.
- What common patterns or themes appear as you look back upon your intimate relationships?
– I think I was in the relationships as an obligation and to gain experience. I never felt actual connection with the men.
- CURRENT ATTITUDES TOWARD SEXUALITY
- What is your attitude toward sex in general today? What specific activities are enjoyable? Do you ever feel dirty or guilty about any aspect of sex, or thinking about sex?
– I feel that as long as it is with my partner, I should be free to explore all aspects of sexuality. However, it should be enjoyable and satisfying to both of us.
- How do you feel about:
– your body
– I like my body and feel like it is ideal for my partner.
– your genitals
– I know my genitals are in good shape for good sex.
– I still feel dirty when having my periods.
– vaginal secretions and semen
– I stopped doing it when I learned that it can affect my normal sex behavior. I now wnt sex with my boyfriend.
– oral-genital contact
– I like it, but not giving my partner, call it selfish.
– It is the most interesting part of our sex life.
– We really enjoy it and have it almost every day. Sometimes, I feel like my boyfriend gets tired.
– manual orgasms with partner
– I have never experienced that
-sexual fantasies extra-marital sex
– Yes, but mostly safe celebrity fantasies.
– pre-marital sex
– extra-marital sex
- What do you feel are your partner’s attitudes toward the above?
– He loves me and enjoys sex with me. He ensures that I am sexually satisfied to avoid going out of our relationship for sex. However, he dislikes sex-related discussions. He like foreplay and giving me oral sex.
- How do you feel about distinct roles and of men and women in nonsexual activities? In sexual activities?
– Nonsexual, I believe in the claim that men and women can play any role in society. People in marriage should help each other around without burdening one.
- What role does sexuality play in your life outside any sexual relationship? (dress, flirting behavior, relationships with opposite sex, etc.) How do you feel about this aspect of your sexuality and social life?
– While I avoid flirting outside my relationship, I engage with discussions about sex and sexuality at work and with my friends.
- What conflicts do you have between your own attitudes re: sex and sexuality and those of your peers, religion, and partner?
– I feel like sex and sexuality are things that the society should embrace and talk about freely. Religion should not make it a taboo and avoid it like plague. I disagree with my partner that sex is reserved for the bedroom and my peers who disagree with the fact that the best sex is with someone that loves you and you love him back.
- How do you see the place of sex and sexuality in marriage, relationships, workplace, etc?
– Sex and sexuality should be embraced because it is an important part of life and relationships. People should not be ashamed for expressing their sexuality.
- When have you felt loved and connected to your partner?
– when we go out and can talk and laugh without minding anything outside our relationship.
- What do you want more of, or feel is missing, in your relationship(s)?
– I feel that I need more communication from my partner and that he would understand me better. I usually feel as if my partner does not take time to understand me or my needs.