This assignment will be a revision/edit of an essay. Below are the professors comments and suggestions. Attached is the paper that needs revision.
Your draft is off to a good start. I appreciate your use of some resources. As you move forward, you will need to have a stronger thesis that identified the specific points you will be arguing; right now, this argument isn’t clear. Why is what you state better for animal? You also need some clear transitions between your ideas that help move the reader along; right now, it seems more like a series of independent thoughts that don’t necessarily tie together. The last several paragraphs are confusing as they seem like they should be a at the start. Be sure to review again the questions in the project overview to build up the content from various perspectives expected; use headers and the specific wording such as economic, political, etc to make this clearer. Be sure your use of resources is more about the starting point of your own ideas.